i remember reading somewhere recently that athletes who medal silver are less happy than those who medal bronze. i thought that was kind of odd, but the more i thought about it, the more it made sense... it kind of sucks more when you think you were just *that* close to the gold and didn't quite touch it, whereas if you're taking the bronze, it's somehow easier to just be grateful to have made it to the podium.
those of you who know me know i ain't no athlete. hell, the closest i think i've ever gotten to anything that resembles a medal was getting some kind of ribbon in the three-legged race in grade 4 sports day. but today i got waitlisted for acceptance to medical school at mcmaster, and it feels a little like the silver medal.
don't get me wrong - i'm way grateful, and even still a little surprised. i was pretty much psyching myself up for the "thanks but no thanks" letter (even as a tiny part of me was holding out hope for the "hell yeah c'mon in!" letter) but this morning, as i was heading to an early morning coffee date with my friends susan, jeff and wee dominic, i thought to myself: i think the waitlist might be a little more hellish than being rejected. i don't mean that i wish i had've been rejected. i really don't. it's just that i am SO BAD at waiting. the astrologers call it venus in aries. i call it jonesing for the now now now.
and i've been trying to be patient, trying to melt into the heat of anticipation, trying to embrace the que sera sera. i've been practicing talking myself down, perfecting the couldn't-care-less. but the truth is that i do care. and i hate waiting. and even though i know some things are worth waiting for, it doesn't make the silver shine any brighter. 'cause even when you've got the silver in your hot little hands, you've still got your eye on the gold.
ani difranco - the waiting song
4 comments:
indeed. waiting like that sux. but i'm proud of you. very. that is no small accomplishment, even for a gold medal girl.
Wow. WOW. I get the suckiness, but also how good is that.
Kind of like getting a callback in a play, when I used to audition for such things ...at least you know you weren't way off in going for it, but still ...you want to be onstage. fingers crossed you'll get to it.
i have been cut off from internet all day. finally occurred to me that there's this thing called "dial up" ... more soon.
man, sorry to hear that. i have all the patience of a fruit fly, so i know how hard waiting is.
but also, i just had a quick look and out of roughly 3500 applicants to mcmaster med school, only 5.2% are ever even offered a spot. which means you're in the top, what, 5.3%?
silver medal, my ass - that's still a gold in my book any day.
thanks amigas. yer all way too kind - and i like it!
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